The 4th Trimester

Yes, the 4th Trimester is real. To explain, it is the first three months after the baby is born. It was the three month period where I worked day and night to keep my baby alive, to maintain my sanity, dealt with baby blues, and tried and keep my family from falling apart. No, this wasn't all my responsibility, but I had to deal with all these issues. My other blog posts cover some of those issues. In this blog post, I want to share the hope that it will get easier between 4-6 months. I am at 6 months postpartum and life is almost feeling like it should (or what I hoped it would feel like with two young kids). Below is my story of hope for new moms and parents.

Background Story

At the end of three months, I was at my wits end. My colicy baby was still having problems. My husband worried me and still had not attached to the baby. I understood that loving a crying baby was difficult. I was having issues too, but some of his comments made me worried to leave the baby with him. Sleep was still an issue and neither one of us were getting enough. This made us short with each other and made it difficult to communicate, which led to fights. At one point I was so frustrated that I told my mom,  "I can't live this way. I love him, but I can't take this very much longer." Yes, I even mentioned the D word, if this path continued.

At the breaking point I asked my husband, "Do you even love the baby? You act like he is the worst thing in life."  After this we both starting striving to communicate better with each other. In our sleep deprived state this was a challenge, but it helped. As we dealt with the colic and baby became more interactive, Daddy did show more bonding with the baby. 

I also tried writing out a list of a few things that were working for the family and kept trying to do those things. This helped. I next asked my husband to give me three things I could work on that would make things easier for him. He never came up with an exact answer, but this helped him feel and see that I cared about him. I also started being the night caregiver instead of splitting the shift. He was sweet to want to help, but his lack of sleep only caused more problems.  

At the worst of it, my husband accused me of having Postpartum Depression, but I felt like this was more of a re-direct of emotion. I was already on medicine to reduce anxiety, so I didn't feel like this was the answer for my issues. However, I highly recommend trying it if you are in a dark place. I started taking it one month after having my first child, and if I miss a dose for a few days we can tell a difference. After much research I learned my condition is caused by a lack of serotonin in the brain. There was nothing I did to cause this condition. It wasn't my fault. It was biological. And I can honestly say that a little bit of replacement medicine has saved my marriage and made me the mother I dreamed of being. It makes me the person I always wanted to be but couldn't ever reach with natural assistance like fitness, sports, and positive mental self-talk.

Anyway, since I knew medicine wasn't going to help me this time, and I have never had success with phycologists, I decided to join an online chat support group. It was private, anonymous and helped get me through those two or three really dark weeks. I read posts from women going through the exact same feeling I was. We were able to share advice and tips which was very comforting and healing during a time when you feel like no one in our life understands.

Shortly after my son turned 4 months, I was offered a contract position to work about 7 hours per week away from home. This has helped amazingly. It has given me time away from the kids doing something I enjoy while still feeling like I am providing for the family. It also has given my husband time to bond with the baby which has helped immensely.  I am self-employed and complete contracts off and on. I normally work 20-30 hours per week at home. With son number one I didn't return to work until 12 weeks, but with son number two, I was working a few hours per week almost immediately.  You do what you have to do to support your family, but this definitely added to the struggle of the 4th trimester.

In Summary

To sum it up, we now have our baby's tummy issues under control, so his colic screaming has diminished for the most part. Now, we just have to deal with the occasional teething grumpiness. The baby now has a personality and has made him much more enjoyable for daddy and brother. We are communicating much better. We are getting a bit more sleep, most nights. I am getting out of the house and get to work face-to-face with other adults for a few hours per week. Things aren't "perfect" but they are our much more enjoyable and reasonable. Some of our 4th Trimester issues took care of themselves with time. Other issues were helped by empathy for each other, patience, and trying to communicate better.

The Best Advice for the 4th Trimester

The best advice I heard when things were dark and when I was at my wits end was, "Don't do anything drastic until you reach 6 months. Most of the time it will get much easier by then."

Today is our 5 year Anniversary and baby is 6 months old next week. Yes, things are so much easier. Yes, hard, but so much easier.

#amazon aff 

A Practical Hybrid Diapering System

Save money, the environment, and not loose your mind! I'm a working mom of two boys, so how do I reasonably cloth diaper? All-in-ones, one size fits all, hybrids, disposable inserts, but none of these seemed sensible to me.

I now have a solution for you!

I tried with both boys to figure out how to decrease my impact on the environment without going crazy. Plus, if money wasn't an issue, I would have more options, but I struggled to find a way to go part-time cloth without spending a fortune.

So, here's my tried, tested, and approved busy, working, frugal mom way to part-time cloth diaper while saving money and reducing your environmental impact without losing your mind.

It's so simple. I can't believe I didn't find this solution on the web. I can't be the only one with this idea.

You need three things:

-Disposable diapers of your choice - Mine: Huggies
-Cloth diaper inserts of your choice - Mine: Charcoal Bambo Diaper Inserts
-Diaper liners of your choice - Mine: Bumkins Flushable Diaper Liners

What to do:

Basically, you are creating your own hybrid, but instead of a disposable insert (that is more expensive than a disposable diaper), or instead of a plastic cover and cloth insert, you are using the disposable diaper as the cover and the cloth insert goes inside the disposable diaper. Simple right!

If you are worried that poopie time is coming, place a disposable liner between the cloth insert and baby's bottom.  I was surprised to discover that diaper liners actually work great.

Additional Tips:

• You may want to try one diaper size up if the diaper is too tight with the cloth insert.
• I started with 6 charcoal bamboo inserts. Charcol inserts were highly recommended on the web and I agree they work well. This was an affordable way to test this out.
• I only use the cloth diaper inserts when I know I am going to be home for awhile, or when it is convenient for me.
• This system works well too with pull-ups and training pants when this time comes.
• If you need financial motivation, remind yourself that you are saving $0.17-$0.35 every time you use the cloth insert (and helping reduce your environmental impact). 

To learn more about diapers I recommend reading these reviews:
-Cloth diaper reviews - www.babygearlab.com - Ratings Overview-Cloth Diaper
-Disposable Diaper reviews - www.babygearlab.com - The battle for the best disposable diapers

Another Option: A Good Environmentally Friendly Disposable Diaper
Let me mention that I did try Seventh Generation Diapers, and I thought they worked great. Almost fit as well as Huggies. They are slightly less absorbent, but still reasonable. Their price is more reasonable than most environmentally friendly brands, but for a frugal mom, they are still a bit expensive. So back to Huggies I went.

Wish you the best.

#aff

Owlet Baby Monitor - My Thoughts

When I was eight months pregnant with my second son, I learned about the Owlet Baby Monitor. I was looking for something to help me sleep more soundly and hopefully reduce the risk of SIDS. When my first son was a newborn, we checked constantly to make sure he was still breathing. Whether parent's admit it or not, I am sure the majority of parents do this too. We would check him throughout the day to make sure he wasn't suffocating by a blanket.  And during the night, we would touch his chest to make sure it was rising.

I liked the idea of having a device that would make me aware if the baby's oxygen levels or heart rate dropped. I did have sticker shock at the $250 price. I am very frugal and buy all my kid's clothes and associated equipment second hand, when possible. I reviewed products similar to the Owlet and they were all priced under $150, see Baby Monitors for Movement.

However, the Owlet touted much more accurate results. After contemplating for a month, I decided to "splurge" for peace of mind and the potential of better sleep.

I had to wait two months before I got the opportunity to actually use the Owlet.  I tried the Owlet for the first time on the baby's second night home. I had read the directions and had everything set up, but under exhaustion of a new baby, it was a little tricky to understand its alarms and how to operate it (turning it off and on, dimming it, etc). After a little experimentation, I figured it out. I must say I sleep better knowing it is on my son. We still check him and do everything we can to prevent SIDS, but this just makes me feel like we have an extra layer of prevention.  And now after a month of use, I would recommend the Owlet to other parents.

The Cons: 

It doesn't have the best range from one room to the next. I take my son downstairs to feed at night, so that I don't wake my husband and other son. Sometimes it works fine when I am downstairs, and sometimes it gives me the warning that it is unable to get a signal. If I forget to turn it off before going downstairs, it can go off waking the family. I wish it had the option for multiple bases so that I could put one upstairs and downstairs or in two different rooms, so that it could be on all the time - day and night.  I could buy a second base and have one downstairs, but the price is a little steep for me to buy an additional monitor.

The Pros:  

It gives us better sleep, and confidence that he is okay while he sleeps. The sock fits great and works just fine. It does its job well and provides oxygen and heart rate info on a nifty app. The app is friendly and easy to use and understand.  The alarm accurately goes off on any device the app is installed on.

Buying Diapers Before Baby Arrives

Are you are interested in buying disposable diapers before your baby arrives? This blog post will give you an idea of how many diapers and the sizes to buy.

First tip

(aff link)

My Favorite Brand - Go with Huggies (aff link)

Buy diapers from places where it is easy to return or exchange them, and know the rules and time restrictions.  We started purchasing diapers 6 months before our due date, so the normal 90-day return policy wouldn't have worked for us. Costco is great at taking returns, so you may want to consider making your purchases there. We also used Walmart; they will take some returns without a receipt. Personally, I like Amazon. They give 20% off diapers, and when I price shopped, Huggies at Amazon were cheaper than Huggies at Walmart or Costco.  Also, Huggies at Amazon were cheaper than Costco's Kirkland Diapers. With Baby Number 1 we bought diapers in bulk mostly from Costco, but with Baby Number 2 we bought diapers mostly from Amazon as a Subscribe and Save customer.

How Many to Buy?

Here are the facts I based my calculations on:

• My babies were 6-8 lbs at birth and gained weight consistently following the average growth charts.
• Many say you will use about 6 diapers or day or 180 diapers per month, and I find this to be pretty accurate.
• We moved up a size when we started to have leaks and blowouts, which was usually several pounds before the max listed on the box.

So here with what I purchased before my babies were born:

(aff link)

Newborn Snugglers (aff link) - one box of about 88 diapers.  These are more expensive per diaper, but I found them very nice for newborns. My babies were ready for size 1 diapers at about 15-30 days old, so one box of Newborns was perfect. Plus you will probably get some from the hospital. I would recommend buying only one box and then buy extra newborn diapers as needed.

Size 1 (aff link) - Two big boxes of Huggies with about 180 diapers per box. These last about one month per box and go from about 8 to 15 lbs.  I found about 2 months in size 1s to be perfect.  At 10 weeks of age my babies were about 10 lbs. Size 2 diapers start around 12 lbs, and we learned it was best to go up a size early to prevent leaks and blowouts.  

Size 2 (aff link) - Two big boxes of Huggies with about 246 diapers per box. This should get you to about 5-6 months of age.

Size 3 (aff link) - 3 big boxes of Huggies Size 3 diapers.  Some say you will be in size 3 the longest, but for us, this was true for size 4. However, this is a good size to have extra of, as long as they are from a returnable store.  The weight on the box says 16-28 lbs.  I am pretty sure we switched my son to size 4 around 20-22 lbs and now he is 30 lbs and in size 5 for naps and at nights.

Little Movers (aff link)

(aff link)

Around 9 months of age with Son Number 1, we switch to pull-ups because we start having him use the potty and pull-ups are so much easier for this. Recently, they have come out with Huggies Little Movers, that now can be pulled up and down like a pull-up or unfastened like a diaper. We plan to use these for Son Number 2 starting around 8-9 months through about 2 years old. But elimination training and potty training is a discussion for another post.  I hope this gives you an idea on what to pre-buy so that you don't waste your money.

Update Baby 15 Months Old - We have been using little movers for a year and I love them. They are great for elimination training and dealing with a baby who won't sit still during changes. Changing a diaper while the baby is standing is awesome.

#affiliate

Switching Day & Night Reversal in Newborns

By three weeks in with my second son, I felt like we conquered the dreaded day/night reversal. I know we did for sure by one month, as I spent an overnight in the hospital with number two, and at that point, he was going to bed about 10 pm and sleeping until about 4 am. How did I do that in four weeks? Maybe it happened on its own or maybe it was the method I followed. Who knows, but I would follow that method again if there was a number three (not planning on it), and I would recommend it to my sister, friends, or other new parents.  

With both boys, I followed a combination of sleep training tips recommended in the book, Baby 411; my favorite baby guide book, and something I have given at every baby shower since our pediatrician gave us a copy. I learned that babies get about one, four-hour sleeping stretch in a 24 hour period, and most babies take this stretch during the day because this is what they did in the womb when mommy was active. (I do not claim to be an expert or have scientific factual info. I am just sharing what I understood to be true). My goal was to encourage this four-hour stretch to be at night as rapidly as possible.

So as soon as my son was born, I woke him and fed him every two hours during the day.  I know the saying, don't wake a sleeping baby.  But I don't buy into it, and my philosophy is to wake the baby during the day so that they will sleep at night.  If this isn't your philosophy, then do what works best for you and your baby.

At night, I would feed on demand. With number two this was every 2 to 3 hours and quickly became longer (one 4-6 hour stretch). He was a healthy weight and only lost .3 ounces in the first week, which made longer sleep occur much faster than it did with number one. I know they (doctors) recommend waking your baby to feed every two hours at night until they regain birth weight. Of course always follow the recommendations of your doctor and take care of the needs of your baby.

With son number one he lost 2.3 lbs in the first two days of life because I was trying to exclusively breastfeed.  After the first 10 days, we finally got the go ahead from our pediatrician to supplement. We wanted to supplement immediately, but the doctors and nurses kept pushing us to only breastfeed.

The difference with son number two was, we immediately supplemented with formula 20 minutes after birth and every two hours the first few days until my milk came in.  It took two months for number one to regain birth weight and finally give us more sleep; I was feeding him every two hours for at least the first 6 weeks.

FYI - I am not for or against breastfeeding or formula.  Do what works best for you and your baby. For me, I learned I had flat nipples, which made the instinct to latch more difficult, so pumping was best for me. Plus, I don't make enough milk, so supplementing helped our boys to gain weight and be healthy and happy.

Hopefully, my experience will give you some ideas for increasing your sleep with your newborn.

#affiliate