Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Will things ever return to normal?

Part 1: Will things ever return to normal?

Light at the End of the Tunnel
Today was the first time, I have felt my normal life returning after having baby number two.  He is now 15 Months Old, and I write this to give mamas of young one's hope.

I have asked myself so many times over the past year, "What was I thinking?" and "Will it always be this hard?" Truth told to you here - two kids is 3 times as much work as one kid.

I can't really explain why I feel life is returning to normal, but I do.Things just seemed easier today. Routines happen, my work was completed, school work was completed, we had a play date, and I was able to go to the gym for myself without a struggle. Boys were in bed at 8 and 9 pm respectively and I didn't have to fight them. All this was completed on Day 2 of Daddy working overtime and Day 5 of playing Single Mom (he works 15 hr night shifts and is only home to sleep, shower, and leave for work).

I know this may not seem like much to some, but it feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It feels like I was just handed an award for "Great Mom." Really, I can't tell you how many times over the past year, I have planned to something for myself and someone got sick, or someone was crying nonstop, or something else happened. (See my previous posts if you don't believe me.)  I have even been dressed and ready to go to the gym a few time and bam, something happens, and it is not worth the battle. You know, Mom always is last even when she tries to put herself first.

They say, "Make time for yourself." They say, "When times are the hardest, you need personal time the most." But, the reality is many times it is not possible and others come before Mom.

I try not to get mad and resent my husband, but sometimes he just doesn't even get it or see it. Don't get me wrong he is an awesome Dad and Partner. But as nature has it, the list is usually Boy's needs, Daddy's needs, then Mom's needs even when he and I try to put my needs at the top of the list.

So I send you hope, Mamas. 

Maybe this feeling will only last one day and won't return for another few days, weeks, or heaven forbid months, but I am cherishing the accomplishment of today. Today, the world didn't feel out of control. I felt like myself.

Part 2: Will my Post Partum Body Return?

Today my body felt mine again. My pre-pregnancy weight and size haven't returned but my fitness, strength, and stamina have. I once asked my midwife how long will it take to return my pre-pregnancy weight and size. Her answer, "It takes 9 months to put it on, it will take 9 months to take it off."

Once again Mamas - here is the truth (at least for me).  It is been 4 years 2 Month since pregnancy number one and I am still 30 lbs up from my ideal weight. I tried for 2 years and couldn't loose more than 15 lbs from my delivery weight.  On pregnancy number 2, I only gained 15 lbs since I was already 30 lbs up from my first pregnancy and I knew it just wouldn't want to come off.  My pregnancy was healthly and my midwife approved (no hate mail please).

I have tried everything sensible under the sun.  I have changed birth control medications, gone with out chemical birth control medication, counted every calorie for months, breast fed for 1 year for each child, and stayed 500 calories below burn amount for months.  I have a Fitbit and MyFitness Pal account to prove it.  I may not have made it to the gym every day, but I am still a very active person- walking, martial arts, hiking, camping, etc.

Just trust me (don't judge me), something in the chemical or genetic makeup of my body doesn't want to let the weight go.  My doctor and I are now looking into autoimmune issues. But ladies, it may never come off...

But what about the hips?  Sorry ladies, they are just wider. Even if the weight ever does come off, the hips may always be a size or two wider. Sorry ladies, I hope this doesn't happen to you.

Mamas of babies - Hopefully, you will feel like yourself and have your pre-pregnancy energy (and body) back between 12-18 months postpartum. Some may be super moms and have it done under the first year, but here is my reality.  

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